When I started this blogging site I had every intention to offer a post the day after a game, or as close as possible. I made a decision to stay clear of specific match analysis, for no other reason than there are numerous fellow bloggers who cover that angle perfectly well (and far better than I could, I may add), in favour of an attempt to offer a personal insight in to my mind state post-game should anyone care (after all, I’d never flatter myself and assume my written word is worthy of the attention of anyone). Normally, the solo drive home after a game is enough to set my mind right and consider the opening lines to my response from which the remaining text will follow. When I first started ‘blogging’, The Addicks were flying and I reveled in the positive vibes and upturn in fortunes. The dreams of promotion had banished the dark thoughts of the previous few years. In this environment, my responses became easy to pen and thoroughly enjoyable to do so. I’m generally a positive-minded person, and any time reading or writing about my beloved Charlton was time well spent. But since late November (around the time I started this blog, oddly enough), our form has dipped dramatically and the promotion feel around matchdays has slowly lessened with every passing game. Last night’s defeat left me feeling as low as I can remember as an Addick. The hugely disappointing fall from glorious hope to what could well be a totally disastrous failure to win promotion is very difficult to take. I feel completely deflated, fed up and let down. The latter feeling the hardest to accept. At this point, I will comment briefly on the specifics of last night to straight-bat any accusation I was naive in thinking we would thrash Brighton based on their league position. I certainly didn’t think that would happen. Last night we got the basics wrong yet again: wasted possession, wrong decisions, stupid fouls in key areas, not enough desire inside the 6 yard box, too little responsibility from our key players, too little passion over the full 90 mins, too lightweight in challenges, failure to pick up loose balls...and so it goes on! The previous sentence could be recycled from any of the last dozen or so games, including, in my humble opinion, Saturday’s victory against Yeovil. From last night’s game Robbie Elliot is excluded from the criticism, as is Llera. Granted, the pitch was awful – another sad indication of the financial state of the club – but it was the same for both sides...blah, blah, blah!
Bizarrely enough, however, I will be at Roots Hall Friday night, and in doing so, will miss another evening with my two kids. I considered not going on the way home last night. I even suggested so to my missus when I got home in some sorry attempt to court a response that may, in turn, convince me that others believe I’m capable of making such decisions. She said nothing: it didn’t even appear to register. She’s heard it all before, and so have I.
I genuinely envy those individuals who claim to love their favorite football team, but when quizzed, couldn’t tell you who their opposition is this coming Saturday. They care when they want to. I'd love to know what that feels like.
So I have a problem. Like a parent who will stand by their child whatever they do, I can’t turn my back on The Addicks. I know that, and nor do I want to. I appreciate you have to experience the lows to appreciate the highs as well as anyone. However, some things have to change. I have no desire whatsoever to waste any more time lamenting Charlton above all those things around me that should take priority, from family to my work. For too long my life has been dominated by Charlton fixtures, my mood-swings after defeats and over-the-top excitement in times of success (plus everything in the middle). How can it be that I stare in to my boy’s eyes and sometimes feel guilty that he may grow up an Addick! God help me, he knows the Nicky Bailey song and sings it freely around the house (before you get social services involved, I have cunningly changed the key line of the song, which I won’t repeat here for obvious reasons, to ‘ride my bike’…try it, it does work, especially when you're 3)! Some things I can’t easily control, but some I can, so, to cut a long story short, this will be my last post until such time as I’ve something positive to comment on. I'll make no appology for becoming a 'fair-weather blogger'! I’m taking a step out of the ‘blogging’ circle and sadly, on current form, it could be a while before I return, if at all.
I will not be missed, but I will really miss doing it.