As Charlton gear up for what is the last scheduled midweek game of the season tonight, I will once again be absent from The Valley. It will be the 5th game in a row.
I still cant quite comprehend how dramatically things have changed in a relatively short period. As little as two years ago I would never have believed it was possible for me to choose not to attend games. For over two decades, if Charlton was at home, I went, regardless of form and fixture. Simple as that. But under this cancerous regime the matchday experience has become a depressing shadow of its former self and results are becoming increasingly more irrelevant as the nonsense continues.
I can't pretend staying away doesn't hurt. It does. So much more than I can explain in a few words. In the last year I've suffered bouts of IBS and anxiety that my doctor has put down to stress. I'm sure work has played a part, but I'm also certain the lingering anguish I feel about what is happening to my club has not helped. It's always there; especially when I'm on my own and my mind starts thinking deeply. I've gone from someone who craved solitude to someone who prefers to be around people.
Few beyond fellow Addicks would understand. In truth, by her own admission, even my own wife doesn't really 'get it'. Friends are perhaps understandably confused as to why it's taken me so long to come to this point anyway.
For now at least, I just cannot face going to Charlton.
Last Saturday I went over the park with my boy instead. For nearly two hours the lad leathered balls at me in goal until my body could take no more. I loved every minute of it, but we can do that any time. I'd much prefer we could follow the fortunes of our club together on a Saturday afternoon as well.
There are rumours circulating that maybe, just maybe, Duchatelet is exploring the idea of selling the club, to the point that
nightMeire has supposedly shown potential buyers around The Valley. I can't allow myself to get excited, but as the speculation has come from some very credible sources it's impossible not to dream of the day this club is free of Duchatelet and Meire and I can have my Charlton back.